In Honor of Maximus T-bone Miller. You were the sweetest, most polite, most protective and best dog a family could ever have. So glad i got to grow up with you. May you rest in peace. I love you.
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So far this year, I got let go at my seasonal Hobby Lobby job (I had hoped they would keep me though), my dog Max died, and I'm not where I hoped I would be in missions. Last year (and the year before) I held on to the hope that i would be at the YWAM School of Navigation and Seamanship by September 2014. I held on so faithfully that when the time came, I waited until the day AFTER the school started to finally let it sink in that it just wasn't the time. I was bitterly confused at first and for a long time, as you can see it's taken almost 3 months that I can talk/type about it with confidence. After I dealt with and eliminated the doubt and shame I was feeling, i found a humbling experience. Humbling experiences seem to be the hardest for me to take gracefully, haha! But Humility has taught me that I am not always right, and that's okay. That sometimes i am right, but maybe not in the details. That right or wrong, it doesn't matter. It's all in Gods hands and not my own, so it's going to be more than okay. Papa has a plan for me, and I don't have to know what it is. After all, what is a romance without blind trust following a spectacularly beautiful surprise?
It's not all perfect though (HAHA when is it?) The latest mind boggling problem my literal and perfectionist brain has come up with, is when do I wait and when do I go?
It's not all perfect though (HAHA when is it?) The latest mind boggling problem my literal and perfectionist brain has come up with, is when do I wait and when do I go?
The idea of waiting for God to open doors while also taking initiative has always perplexed me. Both are important yet they feel like a line in Alanis Morissette's "Hand In My Pocket." "It's all in Gods timing" or "You'll never get anywhere in life waiting." Maybe I'm supposed to go for it while letting God open doors on the way? Like a steady rythm and a flowing melody, constantly moving together to make glorious music. I don't guess there's a definitive answer since no circumstance is the same. Either way it's a risk, and I've learned to love the risk. I'll either be right or be humbled.
So I decided, despite my year starting out bad and through out my confusion i would make 2015 a great year. I've had seasons of love, passion, humility, learning, prayer, etc. All different times in my life where God wanted me to grow in a specific way. This year will be a season of self love. And that brings me to the question, how do I love myself the best i can? What does that look like to me and in a way that God intended me to love myself?
I think firstly i must seek Christ deeper. There's nothing I can do better for myself than to know Him more. So the first thing i want to do is be more consistent in my prayer time, reading my bible and quiet time. I get bored easily and have little patience, so this is easier said than done. But I want to continue to develop my relationship with him. The more I fall in love with my heavenly father the more I will fall in love with myself!
Secondly, I want to love people more! There are so many ministries in my area and God gave me a heart for proclaiming worth to women who feel stripped of it, where ever I go. So on a separate and up and coming post I'll be writing about where/how I'll be serving in Tyler Texas and the many other places you can do missions in Tyler as well! I look forward to that post!
Lastly, I want to love my body. And wow, there is just a plethora of ways I could be loving my body better! I'm sick of putting toxins in my body and on my skin and in my hair and I'm ready to go the organic/natural way. It's a slow transition though, trying to find out the most hygienic and frugal ways to do that. If you have any knowledge or tips on natural beauty techniques such as shampoo/conditioner, I would love you! Also in my endeavor to love my body I want to embrace it's natural state. I've pretty much gotten used to not shaving my legs and not wearing makeup. That was easy, because it took no effort, haha. But i felt like, how can I love my body if I cant love everything about it? PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Women grow body hair, just like men. "Ew that's gross, guys don't like that." PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: I am not here to please men. I serve God, not the desires of mankind. I promise you, God doesn't care about leg hair, He might even count the hairs? (haha im funny.) That's not to say I don't like the feeling of having smooth legs every now and then, fellows, you should try it! I'm just learning to embrace my beauty and "flawsomeness" in the rawest form. .
If you know me well, you know my self worth has been put through the ringer. Unfortunately girls and women all over the world have the same problem. Society taught us that we have to look and act a certain way to celebrate ourselves. So this year I will celebrate myself for all the ways God made me beautiful!
The only way to love yourself the way God intended was through selflessness, and the way the world can interpret loving yourself is through selfishness. Loving yourself first is "idolic" and in no way glorifies God. But we all take time out of our days to love ourselves, we eat our favorite food, we take relaxing baths, watch our favorite TV show, etc. Even by taking care of our bodies and being healthy, we are loving our temples. As long as pampering ourselves comes last, these are all good things. But this is no easy thing either, I'm real guilty of loving myself first, and that's why this is a season of "self love" for me. Not selfish love but selfless love.
"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." - Mark 12:31
I can't tell you where in the world I will be at the end of 2015. I may feel led to stay here longer, serving my church and ministries in the area. Or I may feel God calling me half way around the world serving ministries there. But until then, I'll be loving myself.
Photo Cred goes to my dear friend Amber. https://freedomams.wordpress.com/
So I decided, despite my year starting out bad and through out my confusion i would make 2015 a great year. I've had seasons of love, passion, humility, learning, prayer, etc. All different times in my life where God wanted me to grow in a specific way. This year will be a season of self love. And that brings me to the question, how do I love myself the best i can? What does that look like to me and in a way that God intended me to love myself?
I think firstly i must seek Christ deeper. There's nothing I can do better for myself than to know Him more. So the first thing i want to do is be more consistent in my prayer time, reading my bible and quiet time. I get bored easily and have little patience, so this is easier said than done. But I want to continue to develop my relationship with him. The more I fall in love with my heavenly father the more I will fall in love with myself!
Secondly, I want to love people more! There are so many ministries in my area and God gave me a heart for proclaiming worth to women who feel stripped of it, where ever I go. So on a separate and up and coming post I'll be writing about where/how I'll be serving in Tyler Texas and the many other places you can do missions in Tyler as well! I look forward to that post!
Lastly, I want to love my body. And wow, there is just a plethora of ways I could be loving my body better! I'm sick of putting toxins in my body and on my skin and in my hair and I'm ready to go the organic/natural way. It's a slow transition though, trying to find out the most hygienic and frugal ways to do that. If you have any knowledge or tips on natural beauty techniques such as shampoo/conditioner, I would love you! Also in my endeavor to love my body I want to embrace it's natural state. I've pretty much gotten used to not shaving my legs and not wearing makeup. That was easy, because it took no effort, haha. But i felt like, how can I love my body if I cant love everything about it? PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Women grow body hair, just like men. "Ew that's gross, guys don't like that." PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: I am not here to please men. I serve God, not the desires of mankind. I promise you, God doesn't care about leg hair, He might even count the hairs? (haha im funny.) That's not to say I don't like the feeling of having smooth legs every now and then, fellows, you should try it! I'm just learning to embrace my beauty and "flawsomeness" in the rawest form. .
If you know me well, you know my self worth has been put through the ringer. Unfortunately girls and women all over the world have the same problem. Society taught us that we have to look and act a certain way to celebrate ourselves. So this year I will celebrate myself for all the ways God made me beautiful!
The only way to love yourself the way God intended was through selflessness, and the way the world can interpret loving yourself is through selfishness. Loving yourself first is "idolic" and in no way glorifies God. But we all take time out of our days to love ourselves, we eat our favorite food, we take relaxing baths, watch our favorite TV show, etc. Even by taking care of our bodies and being healthy, we are loving our temples. As long as pampering ourselves comes last, these are all good things. But this is no easy thing either, I'm real guilty of loving myself first, and that's why this is a season of "self love" for me. Not selfish love but selfless love.
"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." - Mark 12:31
I can't tell you where in the world I will be at the end of 2015. I may feel led to stay here longer, serving my church and ministries in the area. Or I may feel God calling me half way around the world serving ministries there. But until then, I'll be loving myself.
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